How Do I Tell My Children That I Have Cancer?

7 Tips to Use When Telling Your Child You Have Cancer

  1. Always Be Honest  If your children are younger, you might want to protect your child by not telling them. Children, even younger children usually notice and pick up on everything. They may not be able to verbalize it, but they may act out, express anger, or become anxious. Focus on making your child feel safe and loved. If your child is not verbal yet, give them hugs, sing songs, and keep your voice calm and soothing. If your child is verbal, it is best to explain your cancer diagnosis in age-appropriate language. It is important to let your children know that some things in the home might change, for example, if grandma will be visiting more  to assist with childcare, let them know that grandma will be around more to see them.
  2. Inform Your Children Ahead of Time About the Side Effects of Cancer  Let your children know that you might have less energy and sleep more on some days and that is ok as your body is recovering. If you are undergoing chemotherapy and will lose your hair, prepare your children ahead of time so they are not surprised. There should be less stress and anxiety if they know what to expect.
  3. Practice Healthy Coping Skills & Emotions  Let your children know that it is ok to feel sad or frustrated. Express that you feel sad as well. List things that you do that makes you feel better such as watching funny videos, taking your dog for a walk, or talking to friends. In life, we will have good and bad things happen, teaching coping skills helps build resiliency.
  4. Time and Location is Crucial  You will not want to tell your children of your cancer diagnosis right before work or school. They will need time to process it. Weekends are a good time as your children will have time to process it before going back to school. Try to avoid the conversation right before bedtime. It is best to have the conversation in the home where the children feel safe to express themselves. If they need a moment to take in the information on their own and request to go to their room, allow them their space.
  5. Having the Cancer Talk as a Family or Individually  If your children are close in age, have the conversation as a family. If there is a major age difference amongst the children, you might want to have one on one conversations as a 5-year-old will have different questions and comprehension compared to a 13-year-old.
  6. Talking With Your Child’s School  If your children are school aged, be sure to let their teachers and school counselor know about your cancer diagnosis shortly after you tell your children. The school can be a great source of support. Also, if you are struggling financially with your cancer treatment (extra expenses, reduced work hours), school social workers are well versed on community resources.
  7. Individual or Family Counseling for Cancer  If you find yourself or your family struggling after a cancer diagnosis, individual and family counseling is very beneficial. I have seen families struggle with sharing their emotions. People try to remain stoic to not upset other members of the family. This is not emotionally healthy. There are many benefits to talking to someone who is neutral. In therapy, emotions can be processed, healthy coping skills can be learned and emotional support can be provided.

7 Tips to Use When Telling Your Child You Have Cancer

  1. Always Be Honest  If your children are younger, you might want to protect your child by not telling them. Children, even younger children usually notice and pick up on everything. They may not be able to verbalize it, but they may act out, express anger, or become anxious. Focus on making your child feel safe and loved. If your child is not verbal yet, give them hugs, sing songs, and keep your voice calm and soothing. If your child is verbal, it is best to explain your cancer diagnosis in age-appropriate language. It is important to let your children know that some things in the home might change, for example, if grandma will be visiting more  to assist with childcare, let them know that grandma will be around more to see them.
  2. Inform Your Children Ahead of Time About the Side Effects of Cancer  Let your children know that you might have less energy and sleep more on some days and that is ok as your body is recovering. If you are undergoing chemotherapy and will lose your hair, prepare your children ahead of time so they are not surprised. There should be less stress and anxiety if they know what to expect.
  3. Practice Healthy Coping Skills & Emotions  Let your children know that it is ok to feel sad or frustrated. Express that you feel sad as well. List things that you do that makes you feel better such as watching funny videos, taking your dog for a walk, or talking to friends. In life, we will have good and bad things happen, teaching coping skills helps build resiliency.
  4. Time and Location is Crucial  You will not want to tell your children of your cancer diagnosis right before work or school. They will need time to process it. Weekends are a good time as your children will have time to process it before going back to school. Try to avoid the conversation right before bedtime. It is best to have the conversation in the home where the children feel safe to express themselves. If they need a moment to take in the information on their own and request to go to their room, allow them their space.
  5. Having the Cancer Talk as a Family or Individually  If your children are close in age, have the conversation as a family. If there is a major age difference amongst the children, you might want to have one on one conversations as a 5-year-old will have different questions and comprehension compared to a 13-year-old.
  6. Talking With Your Child’s School  If your children are school aged, be sure to let their teachers and school counselor know about your cancer diagnosis shortly after you tell your children. The school can be a great source of support. Also, if you are struggling financially with your cancer treatment (extra expenses, reduced work hours), school social workers are well versed on community resources.
  7. Individual or Family Counseling for Cancer  If you find yourself or your family struggling after a cancer diagnosis, individual and family counseling is very beneficial. I have seen families struggle with sharing their emotions. People try to remain stoic to not upset other members of the family. This is not emotionally healthy. There are many benefits to talking to someone who is neutral. In therapy, emotions can be processed, healthy coping skills can be learned and emotional support can be provided.
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